Two Coins

I always thought the story of the old woman and her last two coins as told in the gospels of Mark & Luke, was about money.  I still do think it's about money.  But I also think it goes deeper than this.  When Jesus notices this widow who has next to nothing but gives all she has, it is an illustration of humility and brokenness before the Lord that can be so easy for me to lose sight of.  I am that widow.  I am nothing and I have nothing without God.  When I feel poor, I tend to want to hoard what I do have and turn on survival mode, like, "This is all I have! I have nothing left to give!"  The truth is, if I have something, even two small coins, I still have something to give.  But it goes beyond the fiscal example we are given in this story.  When I am at my lowest point, weakened by life and poor in spirit, I again find myself hoarding whatever meager strength I have left.  I shut people out, as if their very presence might drain me of my last drip of life.  I tend to shut God out too.  I don't have time to pray.  I'm too tired to read His word.  I don't have enough left to give Him.  But I do.  God doesn't want my best singing voice in perfect tune when I don't have it to give.  He wants whatever is left that I have to give.  If all I can do is whisper, "Jesus", if all I can do is lay on my face and cry to Him, it's worth more to God than my best Christian efforts on my strongest day.  God wants my heart.  Not just the strong parts of my heart, but ALL of my heart.  When I'm down to the last thread of whatever is left in me, He wants me to give that too.  My last two coins.  It is a brokenness, a humility, a laying down of my life for Him that God has requested.  Even if I die because I gave my last breath to God, then so be it because I was already dead without Him anyway.